Losing my support system..

The six-hour drive to Memphis was one of the toughest things I have ever done. Knowing that I was leaving behind my life I had always wanted to have, minus a few bumps in the road I grew up to be the girl I wanted to be. The drive was so hard, one because I was alone. Two, I left my house watching my parents stand in my driveway crying, and three because the last person I left was not only my best friend, but my boyfriend. The drive seemed extra long. Surprsingly, I got down here with no wrecks, and I never turned around once (although I did get lost at one point). Now that I’m down here, it’s hard. It’s hard to start over with no one here to have my back.
I grew up in a big family. I was the last of five kids, and although I had my best friends, I had more friends at my high school than I can count. One of my best friends was one of my teachers, to whom I could call at anytime of the day and talk about anything. I could always rely on someone to catch me when I would slip up. If I needed someone older to get lunch with to talk, I had numerous people from my brothers and sisters friends to my teachers. If I was running late to class (which rarely happened), I knew what teacher to call to meet me at the back door to open it up so I could come in. When I had trouble with schoolwork, I knew what “smart” kids to call to help. And if I had any other problem, I had my best friends there to just sit there and listen to me, because most the time that’s all I needed.
Down here though, it’s a whole new ball game. I don’t have those close relationships, and I won’t for a while. It takes time. I have to get used to being on my own. I have to realize when I mess up, it’s just on myself. I can’t have anyone bail me out, because down here I don’t know anyone that close to come help me. I mean, I still have my computer and cell phone so I can talk to everyone back home. It’s just different, knowing I have to call them. It’s hard talking to them and saying, “I’ll see you in a month!”
A good example of how I can only rely on myself was when my eye was hurting. I called my mom crying because I was in so much pain. But she couldn’t do anything for me, she helped give me directions to where I had to go (map quest) but she couldn’t come running over and put me in her car and take me wherever I needed to go. I could barely see, but I had to keep fighting with myself to keep my eyes open because I had to drive. I had to get stuff taken care of myself. I had to take care of me.
Now, don’t get me wrong. All kids who go to college have to learn how to manage life on their own. Kids like me however, have to learn it a lot faster and harder. I would compare it to learning how to swim. People who go to school not that far from home and their friends are the kids who get swimming lessons with arm floaties on. They have time and people are there to guide them through. Myself, I’m the kid who is thrown into the pool with nothing on. It’s sink or swim. And, although I can cry for help, it takes much longer for someone to come help me, because I don’t know who to call down here. I can have people yell tips of what to do, but no one can jump in and show me what to do. And although most the time I feel like I’m sinking further and further, I’m fighting harder and harder to keep myself afloat. I’m trying so hard to catch up to those kids with the arm floaties. I’m trying so hard to make life what it was back home, or at least somewhat like it was.
“It takes time.” The one tip I get from everyone. It just takes time Erin, it will get better. Well yes, I understand it takes time. But I’m sick of waiting. The second most used phrase I get, “You will definitely learn patience.” Okay, I’m sure I will but I want to learn it now. I want to get through the awkward, hard, scary part. I want to move onto the fun college is the best time of my life part. I want to get my support system down here, I want to feel safe just like I did back home. It just takes time though I guess.